The future is looming over me!!!

So I've been thinking lately about my attitude on life. I don't think that I'm quite as excited as I should be for the things that are coming up. In a few weeks I'll be graduating (yay!) and will possibly be done with school forever!!! I don't want to say definitely, because I mean really, you never know, right? And then after the summer is over, I get to try something new for a change. Work and no school. Should be exciting, right?

I gotta be honest, it does sound exciting at times, but I think I'm pretty scared. If people say that they're not scared when they graduate and move away from college, I'm not buying it. I think that that may be my problem. With my impending graduation, I have people asking me almost daily what I'm going to do with my life. The scary part is, I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE!!! I really don't know quite what I want to do. I am not usually an advocate of big change, especially change such as this. I may be moving away from Utah for good, or I may be staying. I might stay on the west or I might go back to the east. I just don't know! I wish that my future would just be handed to me. That would really help my situation a lot.

I had a friend who recently told me that I'm not excited about anything anymore. That made me sad to hear. I don't think that I've always been like that. I want to be the carefree person that I've been in years past, but I don't know quite how to be that person. I've had a lot of things happen in the last year that has weighed me down, and one of the major ones is this graduation. School is such a safety zone. I've been doing school basically ever since I can remember. I don't want to do school just because I'm comfortable with it. If I go back to school, I want it to be for something that I truly love and because I want to progress in life.

I guess this sounds just a little bit whiny. Ok ok, it sounds really whiny. I am just scared of what the future holds. I try not to show it that much, but I guess it's coming out to those people that know me pretty well. I'm going to try and do my best to just be calm and accept things as they come. That won't be too hard, will it?!